The Pursuit of happiness might be killing you

We’re just Chasing Shadows

We live in a world obsessed with happiness. Just scroll your feed for 5 minutes, walk through a bookstore, or listen to any of the almost countless podcasts, and you’ll be bombarded with messages telling you to find your bliss, follow your joy, or unlock the secrets to happiness. It sounds noble. It sounds right. But what if this constant chase for happiness is actually hurting us? Or worse yet, it may be killing us?

What if the pursuit of happiness, as we’ve come to define it, is making us more anxious, more self-centered, more fragile, spiritually malnourished, relationally removed, and financially destitute?

This is not a call to be miserable. It’s a call to get real. To examine the myths we’ve been sold and ask better questions. Because the modern version of happiness might not be leading us to flourishing—it might be leading us to burnout, loneliness, and emotional shallowness.

Constant Contentment is a myth

One of the great lies of our age is the belief that happiness is a permanent emotional state we should be experiencing most, if not all, of the time. We’re told that if we’re not smiling, something must be wrong. If we feel the least bit anxious or sad that we should medically repair it.

But life isn’t built that way.

Happiness, like all emotions, is fleeting. It rises and falls. It’s seasonal, situational, and often circumstantial. When we treat it like a destination instead of a moment, we become addicted to chasing highs. The minute we’re not happy, we panic. We feel broken. We feel like failures.

But maybe we’re not broken. Maybe we’re just human.

C.S. Lewis once wrote, “Joy is the serious business of Heaven.” However, joy is not the same as happiness. Joy can coexist with sorrow. Happiness seeks noise and dopamine. Joy, on the other hand, resides in the stillness. It attunes itself to the in-between moments of our lives. Joy is our greatest companion during our most difficult times. It serves as our ever-present sensei, guiding us when the path ahead seems insurmountable.

The Self-Obsession Spiral

Another danger of modern happiness is that it’s intensely self-focused.

We are told to prioritize our truth, our path, our vibe, our needs. But this hyperindividualism leads to disconnection, not joy. If your happiness depends on getting everything you want and never being uncomfortable, you’ll spend your life isolated and perpetually disappointed. I once heard it put like this “Happiness is based on what’s happening”, and when what’s happening to you is the greatest of priorities, and that’s not going well, then we have no reason to experience happiness.

Some of the most joyful people in the world are those who’ve chosen sacrifice, service, and selflessness. The ones who prioritize the health, wealth and well-being of others.

Look at the lives of loving parents, volunteers, teachers, coaches, and soldiers. They may not always feel “happy,” but they are often filled with meaning. And meaning, not happiness, is what we truly crave. Purpose brings us a joy that surpasses our modern-day measurements. No amount of likes, clicks, dollars, or acknowledgments can even begin to compare to the meaning and purpose that are much larger than ourselves.

Numbing Pain Instead of Growing Through It

In our relentless pursuit of feeling better, we’ve become adept at numbing ourselves. We turn to food, alcohol, work, social media, streaming, shopping, and even the so-called “self-care” movement to justify emotional avoidance. Instead of confronting and navigating the pain, disappointments, and simply not fun moments of life, we seek ways to escape or forget them. We treat sadness, boredom, anxiety, and discomfort like viruses that must be eradicated. However, many of life’s most important growth spurts begin in emotional discomfort.

What if your sadness is a signal, not a sickness?
What if your dissatisfaction is a summons, not a dysfunction?
What if the pain is pointing you toward your purpose?

You don’t grow by always being happy. You grow by walking through the valley and realizing you’re not alone. A new narrative brings new beliefs, and we’ve been writing the wrong one for quite some time.

Happiness Capitalism

There’s a reason why happiness is a $12 billion industry. There’s money in your misery. The more insecure you are, the more they can sell you.

You’re told that if you just buy this product, take this trip, wear this brand, or attend this retreat—you’ll finally feel good. But the happiness you buy is always temporary. Like fast food, it satisfies in the moment but leaves you empty soon after.

This endless cycle of distractions and discontent keeps us from being consumers of experience and cultivators of our character. The truth lies in an uncomfortable room of our hearts that we usually keep closed.

You can’t purchase purpose. You have to live it.

A Better Way: Choose Meaning Over Mood

What if, instead of asking “What will make me happy?” we asked:

• What is worth suffering for?

• What legacy do I want to leave?

• What makes life meaningful—even when it’s hard?

This shift in focus isn’t about rejecting happiness; rather, it’s about elevating purpose, values, and contribution over fleeting emotions. I believe this shift is what we truly need to begin to turn the tide of the mental anguish and languishing that we are experiencing in our modern world.

As Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, said in Man’s Search for Meaning:
“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue… as the unintended side effect of one's dedication to a cause greater than oneself.”

From Pursuit to Presence

Stop chasing happiness like it’s some butterfly you can net.

Start being present to your actual life—messy, imperfect, beautiful, and hard.

That’s where real joy is found. In the ordinary moments. In deep relationships. In showing up when it’s not easy. In living with courage and conviction.

You weren’t made to be constantly entertained. You were made to ENDURE, to create, to contribute, to love, and to grOW. And yes, to laugh and feel good along the way—but not all of the time and not at the cost of your soul.

What Are You Really After?

Happiness, as currently defined, is often shallow and fragile. But joy, meaning, peace, and purpose? These are sturdy. They can weather storms. They can hold the weight of your life.

So maybe it’s time to stop chasing happiness like it’s the ultimate reward.

Maybe it’s time to live for something deeper.

Because the pursuit of happiness might be killing you.
But the pursuit of meaning?

That just might save your life.