When the Leader You Strive to Be Meets the Person You Were
On Friday 1/2/26 after Notre Dame’s controversial loss to California, Micah Shrewsberry was publicly reprimanded by the ACC for charging toward an official after the game.
I’m not here to bash him or call him out… I want to use this as a moment for all of us to learn.
Shortly after, he issued a statement that deserves more attention than the incident itself:
“My actions were inappropriate and not symbolic of the leader I strive to be and what Notre Dame expects of its coaches and educators.”
That sentence reveals something critical, and often misunderstood, about leadership.
Shrewsberry didn’t question his values.
He didn’t question his intent.
He didn’t question whether he cared enough.
He acknowledged a gap between who he strives to be and who showed up under pressure.
And that gap isn’t about character.
It’s about using the wrong tool in the wrong moment.
This Was a Moment for Management, Not Leadership
Here’s the distinction most conversations miss.
Leadership and management serve different purposes, and different conditions.
Leadership is best used when there is time, space, and room to influence.
Management is required in moments of crisis, when something is at stake and timelines are tight.
The end of that game was not a leadership moment.
There was no time.
No space.
No opportunity to inspire, align, or cast vision.
It was a high-stakes, high-emotion, time-compressed moment.
That is when management (not leadership) must take over.
And specifically, self-management.
The Missed Tool
This is the line that matters most:
The problem wasn’t that he forgot how to lead.
The problem was that he didn’t manage himself first.
In crisis moments, management is about:
Containing volatility
Creating internal structure
Preventing emotion from creating collateral damage
Emotion showed up naturally.
But management did not.
When management is absent in a crisis, emotion will always fill the vacuum.
Emotional Self-Management Is a Crisis Skill
Most people think management is something you do to other people.
That’s backwards.
The first system that must be managed (especially under pressure) is you.
Before you can lead anyone, you must manage:
Your emotional spikes
Your impulses
Your reactions when the stakes feel personal
Crisis doesn’t call for inspiration.
It calls for control.
That’s not suppression.
That’s discipline.
Pressure Reveals Default Tools
Shrewsberry’s phrase, “the leader I strive to be”, is honest.
But aspiration belongs to leadership moments when there is time to grow, reflect, and influence.
Pressure exposes something else entirely:
Which tool you default to when time runs out.
Under stress, we don’t rise to our ideals.
We fall back on the tools we’ve trained.
When leaders fail to manage themselves in crisis:
The moment becomes about behavior instead of substance
Authority erodes, even if the leader is right
The team absorbs the emotional chaos
That’s not a leadership failure.
That’s a management failure under pressure.
Why This Distinction Matters
Most leadership content would say:
“He needs better emotional intelligence.”
That’s vague, and unhelpful.
The real lesson is clearer:
Leadership is not what you need most when pressure is highest. Management is.
Winning leaders know when to lead and when to manage.
They don’t confuse calm moments with crisis moments.
They don’t try to inspire when they need to stabilize.
They manage first.
Then, when the pressure passes, they lead.
The Leader You Strive to Be Still Needs Management
Every person has a version of themselves they aspire to be.
But aspiration alone doesn’t survive crisis.
The leader you strive to be only shows up
when you use management to protect the moment.
That’s the difference between reaction and response.
Between emotion and execution.
Because when the pressure is highest,
management (not leadership) is what keeps you in the game.
Want to Go Deeper?
I explore this distinction (when to lead and when to manage) more fully in my upcoming book, Lead. Manage. WIN!, where I break down how leaders misapply tools under pressure and how to build real situational fluency.
Follow or connect with me for updates on my book releasing Q1 of THIS year
Podcast hosts: If your audience wrestles with leadership under pressure, I’d love to join the conversation
Event planners & organizations: If your people need practical tools for high-stakes moments, I’m available for keynotes and workshops
